"Sometimes Life Just Sucks" or "I Put Too Much Stock into my Baking Abilities"

Tomorrow is my mother-in-pseudo-law's birthday, so in keeping with tradition, I made her a cheesecake. Last year I made a feeble attempt at her favorite: tiramisu, and this year I've ventured to make a mash-up of sorts. A chocolate chip tiramisu cheesecake! Anyway, I gathered the ingredients, not too cheap, mind you, and set to work. Despite the simple recipe, I managed to screw it up in the following ways:

• I couldn't find lady fingers for the crust, so I used vanilla wafers which are too strongly flavored and not nearly light or crisp enough.
  


• I didn't disolve the coffee granules in the melted butter before I added them to the crust, so the crust looks like a dalmation and tastes like an old pot of stale coffee.

• I over baked the aforementioned crust because i thought, 'oh, it only needs to be in there for 8 minutes, surely i won't forget it.'
  


• I didn't scrape down the bowl enough while I was mixing, so there were big chunks of mascarpone and cream cheese collected in the bottom. that had to be tossed out.
  


• I forgot to stir in the chocolate chips. One would think that that would be a difficult step to forget, but I totally did.
  


• I consciously skipped the traditional waterbath and modified the technique by placing the broiler pan of water on the rack below the cheesecake, which resulted in a cracked and overly browned surface.
  


• And finally, I opted not to give up and will present Denise with this cheescake tomorrow evening, despite its flaws.

I'm sorry, but that thing cost me about 12 dollars just to make and I ran over my budget for the month on Monday. I have a feeling it will be delicious regardless, and if it's not, I'll throw it out myself, but I think Denise and the rest of the Gamba/Sams will love it. I really ought to pay more attention to recipes and I shouldn't assume that the first time I try a recipe it will come out perfectly. Therefore, I should test all my recipes before I plan on using them as birthday presents. Nuts.

**ADDENDUM**

Forget everything I said above. We ate it and it was divine.

McDrunky Adventure 2.0

Sooo...nobody but Brent showed up on friday to celebrate my birthday with me. I'm glad I have such loyal friends. We still had a lot of fun, though. We went to Harry's bar and tables which was really just bourgie wannabe hipsters standing in a room about the size of a two car garage and yelling really loudly while drinking overpriced martinis. We then went to Bistro 303 because we (wrongly) assumed it would be quieter because it has bistro in the name and the clietele tends to be a bit more...gay. Well, everyone knows a gaggle of gays can chat up a storm louder than any group of straight people. Add in a pumping club remix of Selena Gomez and Nicki Minaj and it was damn near deafening. I bumped into my good friend Jim. I thanked him for being the only other person to come out and celebrate my birthday with me. his response: "It's your birthday?" rude. Whatever, it was funny to see him anyway. This moment not only made me realize that I need more friends, but it made me extremely thankful for Brent because without him I would've been a sad sack sitting in a restaurant all alone on my birthday a'la Carrie Bradshaw on her 35th. Yikes.

My First Legal McDrunky Adventure 1.0

So last night...I had an abortion. Ugh. It makes me sick to think about. I went to Henry's on 8th st. up in Lawrence. It's a great venue if you want a quiet, intimate evening. The bartenders are friendly and they dress nicely so it ads to the dive bar atmosphere. Anyway...back to the abortion. Brent goes up and orders us all a birthday shot. We'd been talking about this shot called an abortion. Apparently this girl Tracy did it at her 21st birthday. Ugh. It's peach schnapps with bailey's floated on top and drops of grenadine dropped down through the baileys. The effect is little towers of flesh colored liquour dripped down through the clear peach schnapps and a small pool of bloody grenadine chillin' at the bottom of the shot glass. It seriously looks like a chopped up baby in a shot glass and it really almost made me throw up while I was looking at it. Boy howdy, though...it tasted amazing. well this was only the first half of my birthday celebrating. I'm going out in Kansas City tomorrow night and there will certainly be pictures and stories to tell.

OMACT! or Oh My Apple Cake Tatin

Hello Gorgeous. Mmmm your caramel is showing.

Okay! so as some of you may or may not be aware, I am a refugee, hopelessly self-banished from my home due to a complete lack of interesting parents. Today however, I was forced to spend the evening at home in the company of my papa.

"Where's my damn cake!?" my dad chides, referencing my half hearted promise to bake him something in remuneration for helping my fix my car.

"Oh...you're serious," I groan disparagingly, "Hold on."

Screw those store bought cakes. Pshaw to those dry layer cakes with too much frosting. Apple Cake Tatin, I choose you! Thank you once again, Ina, for providing me with a tasty, challenging and thoroughly entertaining evening. Before you freak out over the decidedly French name, this recipe had to be one of the easiest cakes I've ever made. Originally, the recipe was called Plum Cake Tatin and it consisted of 10-12 plums slaughtered and doused in boiling sugar all topped with a body bag of tender cake flecked with lemon zest. I don't know about you, but in my mind the only thing a plum is good for is curing constipation, and frankly...I don't need my dessert to coax any unwelcomed visitors out of me. I used apples because I've been thinking about caramel apples since I walked by the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory at the Legends this afternoon, and Anne Burrell did an Apple Tart Tatin on her show a couple weeks ago and I wanted to best her.

Okay, so The most difficult part about this cake is making the caramel. You have to make sure you have real cane sugar (some off brand sugars are made from beets rather than sugar cane, and thus don't caramelize), and you MUST watch it carefully. I was trying to slice apples while it was boiling away and if I hadn't turned around when I did, I would've had a pan full of burnt shit rather than golden amber deliciousness. By the grace of Gaga, I turned around right as the sugar was reaching the desired temperature (360 degrees). So WATCH YOUR SHIT! Okay, so slice the apples fairly thin. I cut them into about 1/2" slices and carefully splayed them out in a nautilus pattern. Once this was accomplished and my sugar was perfectly browned, I drizzled the boiling caramel over the fresh granny smiths.

The batter is fairly basic. Flour, baking powder, a tiny bit of salt, butter, sugar, two eggs, sour cream, vanilla and a sprinkling of lemon zest and you're set. Pour the batter over the caramelized apples and pop it into a 350 for 30-40 minutes. So wonderful. The caramel melts into the light refreshing cake and the apples nestle in as though snuggling into big puffy duvet. Honestly, try this cake it's so simple and absolutely the most delicious cake I've ever made

For the full original recipe, click here --->http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/plum-cake-tatin-recipe/index.html

Ahh...Sweet Release.

So I'm home from college now. *sigh* It's astonishing how much time I don't spend doing things. Most days I wake up at noon, roll out of bed, eat a "sangwich" or something, watch a little food network and then crawl back into bed for a mid afternoon nap. Seriously... it's a life that's almost not worth living.

However
(I love how drastically 'however' can change a course of events)~~foreshadowing!!!!!!

This week I've really been working on doing something for me everyday. Before you get all bujiggity on me, callin' me a selfish boob or whatnot, other's benefit from me actions too! It all started with a box of betty crocker blueberry muffins. I made them per the instructions, then get creative with a little streusel topping made by cutting cold butter, brown sugar, cinnamon and flour together. well...it didn't work out so well but this foray inspired me to try a little harder the next day. I made Apple Crisp. Shut up, it's not easy, it's really really hard...apparently...since I screwed it up too. Whatever. Chut up (yeah, chut). Stop looking at me like that. Anyway, On Wednesday I made banana bread from scratch and without a hand mixer. It was a complete and total success, just ask my waistline. Desserts make me feel good. Not just the eating part, but the making part too. There's so much to be said for a hard hour's work beating air into 1 and a 1/2 cups of sugar and two eggs (imagine wisking wet sand) and creating something that your loved ones (or one...>:( )feel completely comfortable finishing in one sitting. FAT. So today, after a really difficultly long day at my thankless, stupid, meaningless job, I went to Whole Foods, picked up a salmon filet and a baguette, ate the entire baguette on the three minute drive home (FAT) and sat down and watched a movie while I waited for hunger to come knocking once again.

I took a less conventional approach and broiled the salmon after dressing it in a light lemon, olive oil, garlic and rosemary vinaigrette. I also boiled about 8 medium sized potatoes, fried up some bacon, roasted some garlic, dumped in some sour cream, butter, cheese and milk and made myself a hefty side of loaded mashed potatoes AKA: carb heaven. This one was for me. After baking all these things for my family taking only the gratitude of cooking from them, I decided today was my day to splurge and spend 17 dollars on a single portion of fish. Yes. I'm worth it. It was more than that, though, my parents were out of town and therefore dinner was my responsibility. Seeing as my brother will be working until 2am, I couldn't let him go hungry, so I made him some too. This brings me to my entire point...regardless of the occasion, motivation or recipe, cooking is my release. Even though I hate my job and I hate sitting around my house, if I can come out of it all, throw together an amazing meal or even a shitty apple crisp, the process of culinary exploration helps me wake up in the morning and not want to dive head first off of my bunk bed.

"What do you want for dinner tomorrow night, Brent?

"Chicken Cordon Bleu"
"HAHAHAHA!"
"I'm serious...make it."
"okay"
So I am. My original idea was to find really thick chicken breasts and half-butterfly them (or really just make a little chicken pita pocket!!!) so that i could stuff them with chopped up ham and swiss cheese. Well...Food Network won me over with their much more gourmet (and actually much simpler) plans.
Take a boneless, skinless chicken breast and...POUND THAT SKANKY TIT! between two sheets of plastic wrap until it's pretty thin (1/4 to 1/2 and inch). lay a slice of prosciutto (or any thinly sliced ham if you're a cheapskate) and sprinkle about two or three table spoons of grated gruyere cheese (again, if you're a cheapskate: Swiss). Using one piece of the plastic wrap, roll the piece of chicken tightly so that all the filling is politely contained. Once that's done, place the roulades (chicken logs) in the fridge to set...sort of. Next, take out three separate shallow containers. In the first, combine some flour, salt and pepper. In the second, scramble an egg. In the third, combine about a cup of course, dry bread crumbs, 1 clove of garlic finely minced, thyme (dry or fresh) salt, pepper and a little melted butter for browning purposes. Take your meat log and dredge it carefully in the flour. Transfer it to the egg for a light romp and then finally carefully coat it in the breadcrumb mixture. Once it's coated place it on a greased baking pan and bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes. Oops! the dinger just went off!

Fabulous Dessert, Elegant Cocktails and Oscar

Last night, my boyfriend and I went to his colleague Angela's house for the most delicious thing to ever be poured from a martini shaker...Clementine Cosmopolitans. Fresh squeezed clementine juice, orange liquer and pomegranate vodka. Tres Bon! As Sandra Bullock won her stupid oscar for a HORRIBLE performance in The Blindside, Brenton, Angela, Patrick (Angela's roommate) and I sipped delicious aperitifs and dined on an apricot franzipan torte: Fresh apricots in a flakey, buttery pie crust floating in sea of delicately sweet almond, egg custard. Criminy. Two things I love: Food and Booze. Two things I hate: Sandra Bullock's serious roles and people who beat out Meryl Streep for the Oscar. I MEAN COME ON! SHE PLAYED JULIA CHILD! No one plays Julia Child. Even though my Oscar experience was ruined by Sandra Bullock trying to eat Meryl Streep, the booze and the franzipan made up for it. It's okay, you can be jealous. Anyway, keep looking back for updates. Spring break is next week, which means I'm going to have a LOT of time to cook and explore my epicuriosity.

Totally an Aside But...

This is Alyssa's BABY!!!!!! Declan Dunn O'Meara. Born March 6th 2010 at 12:42 am.

Sort of Exciting, but Probably Only to Me

So last night I went to Yia Yia's in New Overland Park. If you don't know about it, it's the pretentious little restaurant on 119th and Nall that claims to be a "eurobistro". Redundant. Anyway, I went because my friend Alyssa is a big ol' ball a preggo and she's set to pop next weeks so we thought it'd be good to enjoy one last evening of childless dining. I ordered this ridiculous grilled salmon salad. Baby greens mixed with gorgonzola, spiced walnuts, dried cranberries tossed in a pommery vinaigrette (Wtf that is!?) all topped off with a beautifully grilled piece of fresh alaskan salmon(ella). MMMMM so good. Out of respect for Alyssa's current state as heavenly vessel, we opted not to drink, so i'm sorry...there will be no drunken tales to tell...This time. Our waiter was kind of a tool. He kept adding commentary everytime we ordered something. I'm sorry, i want a salad...not your freaking life story or you affinity for candy bars and milk (GOD!!! right!?). Anyway, Yia Yia's is a lovely little restaurant if you're into adventurous meals and high prices. Oh...Dessert is a must. I'm not even going to describe to you how delicious their creme brulee is, but let's just say i may have found jesus last night. Thanks for reading!!!

It All Begins Today

The two things I love most in this world:
1.Food
2. *drumroll* Booze.
-Lets be honest though, I'm not some honky tonk, whiskey drinking, white-trash drunky, I only drink the good stuff and I only do so in moderation. -
With this blog I shall write about my grandiose adventures into the gastronomical world (and in turn my shrinking bank account) and then i'll delve into the topic of my culinary aspirations and my attempts at creating beautiful dishes and meals. Holla! Check it.